Making Peace with Being Settled

by Berrak on September 13, 2016


Sometime last year, I seriously contemplated the idea of selling all of my possessions (except for my books, of course), and truly embracing the nomad life. Shit, I started a nomad conference with my friends because I truly expected to meet them in various parts of the world throughout the year.

The wanderlust was strong, and I was feeling antsy.

My life was going to be an adventure, with Seattle being my home base.

When I had to put Dot down last year, I wasn’t going to get another cat. I wouldn’t take on the responsibility of another pet.

I was going to be spontaneous – ready to get away at a moment’s notice.


There would be no need for me to settle down. I didn’t want to put down roots, even as I was finally building solid friendships with people I could actually trust to stay in my life.

Then heartbreak happened.

I felt like a failure as a friend. As a woman. As a partner. As a business owner.

Over and over again.

So, I kept driving. I embraced the road. All I needed was Roxanne, the clothes on my back, my laptop, my camera, and McLovin. Nobody else.

I didn’t want to settle.

But then… [click to continue…]


IMG_7819I have no strong feelings about Pokémon. When my brother was younger, I took him to see the movies in the theaters, he collected the cards, and I would sometimes play the games with him on his GameBoy color. As he grew older, his interests changed, and Pokémon wasn’t something present in my life.

Fast-forward to summer of 2016. A new app is sweeping the world. It’s augmented reality. It’s nostalgic. It’s fun. I downloaded it because why not? I still don’t have any strong feelings about Pokémon but this app? I’m really enjoying it – so are a lot of other people.

[click to continue…]


This Is 31

by Berrak on June 10, 2016


I turned into a drunk pumpkin at midnight on my birthday. 

It was, by far, the best birthday celebration of my life. My best friend of 16 years flew in from North Carolina. My brother was there (MY BROTHER LIVES HERE NOW). The wonderful guy I’d only been dating for a few weeks was, well, wonderful. I invited my friends to my favorite bar because I knew that I would get overwhelmed if I had another house party.

I built in an escape plan to my own birthday party.

It was pretty spectacular. [click to continue…]


This is my usual writing face, by the way.

This is my usual writing face, by the way.

A few weeks ago, I came to a realization.

People and experiences come into our lives in the exact moment we need them. They’re not always meant to be around forever. They’re meant to remind us of our strengths and who we are when we’re feeling lost.

I still believe this. Wholeheartedly. I also know closure isn’t always promised, people will continue to make Irish exits out of my life, and it will hurt. It doesn’t matter if you’ve only been in my life for a few weeks or if you were supposed to be by my side at my wedding.

You will hurt me when you decide my life is no longer something you are interested in.

The transient people don’t hurt – obviously. I don’t mourn the disappearance of every person out of my life. We meet people in passing. Maybe we hit it off with them right off the bat but that doesn’t mean they’ll be a constant part of our lives.

I wear my soul and scars out in the open. I don’t wear them as a badge of honor. At this point in my life, as I’m about to turn the corner to 31, it’s more of a time consideration.

Here I am. Here are the things that have contributed to who I am today. Here are the scars that get picked and bleed once in a while. Here’s how I am on a good day, and here’s me on a shitty day. Do you still want to be a part of it?

I don’t know why but in the last year or so, people have decided I am no longer worthy. [click to continue…]

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My “Friends” Outrage

by Berrak on March 10, 2016


If you don’t already know, I’m obsessed with Friends. I think in Friends references. I will always watch it when I get I chance, and I fully accept that it’s a ridiculous show with flaws.

But I love it with its flaws. [click to continue…]


This Post Actually Mentions Kim Kardashian. No, but Listen.

March 8, 2016

I made a promise to myself. It’s time to return to your regularly scheduled programming, which means there will be more posts on this blog. The thing is, I have a lot of opinions, thoughts, and randomness that goes through my head and they don’t necessarily all belong on Twitter. Rather, they deserve to have […]

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The Big Move

March 3, 2016

As I type this blog, my brother is in his car, somewhere in Illinois, making the big drive to Seattle. In the car is his girlfriend and puppy (OK, big puppy who’s a full-grown, 7 year old husky). A few hours ago, I picked up the keys to their new apartment and did the move-in […]

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A Seaside Getaway

February 22, 2016

What happens when two writers decided to have a weekend getaway and their first real bonding experience as friends? Not as much writing as you would think. When Jessica and I planned this little getaway, life was kind of kicking both of our butts. We’ve been working a ton, she’s got a toddler, and me […]

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A Glimmer

February 11, 2016

I smiled. It was the kind of smile that I knew reached my eyes, the kind that made my cheeks hurt. There were smiles, and giggles, and full on laughter.  My last post brought a lot of you out of the woodwork. People who have known me for years, and those of you who have […]

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Stream of Consciousness: January 1-February 5, 2016

February 5, 2016

Listen, can we please collectively ask 2016 to take a chill pill? It started out so blissfully hopeful. I was actually happy. Not even two weeks into the new year, the Universe realized that I was a little too happy and went “Oh, hey, hold your horses. Let’s crumble the foundation of everything making you […]

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