The World Is My Jester

I know. You’re shocked.

SHOCKED.

This realization makes me feel crummy, and weak like a cop-out but the fact is, I’m not that 18 year old that can take 17 credits/semester, work two jobs, commute and manage to get on the Dean’s List. My brain isn’t wired like that anymore. I really thought I could do it.

Two classes. Piece of cake.

Sure, if I leave my business behind.

Right now, at this point in my life, I’m bursting at the seams with ideas for my business, and once I’m done with client work for the day, I have to dive into school work, which leaves me no time at all for writing. Because my brain is tired and I can’t focus like I used to be able to.

It makes me feel weak because there are people out there who are raising kids, going to school AND working. There are college students starting businesses that are thriving. I thought I could do it too but it drives me nuts when I sign into my class discussion and have to regurgitate shit.

I’m over that.

I’m in my 8th year of undergrad. God, it pains me to even write that.

This isn’t to say that I don’t want to learn. I have so much passion for ALL THE THINGS and I love reading non-fiction and nerding out in my free time. Put it in the form of a required discussion and all passion flies out the window.

I’ve never really been the person to stick around and have mind-numbing conversations in class. When I was a senior in high school, I spent most of my time volunteering in administrative offices while my teachers still marked me down as ‘Present’ in class because senioritis had taken over my classmates and I had no patience for stupidity.

I’m not being challenged. At all. I took a grad level class in my second year at GW and was bored because it wasn’t challenging enough. I’m not saying I’m smart. I’m not, at all. I fake it.

I just don’t have patience for small talk. I don’t have patience for beating around the bush.

So, where’s all this going?

Right now, I’m going to finish out the next four weeks in my classes, faking it as best as I can.

Then I’m going to take a break and pour my everything into my business. Because that’s where I am in my life.

I have a list of things I want to do but they require concentration and devotion.

I can’t do it all. Maybe, one day down the line, I’ll be able to go back to being a full-time student, giving it my all.

Because that’s how I do things. I give it my all and lately, I don’t have enough of me to give to two full-time passions.

For now, school will have to take a backseat. By school, I mean the classroom and the grades.

Because I’ll never stop educating myself. 

Kudos to the superstars out there who can do it all.

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